I Need Time to Digest this ....

Farewells ...
These are the moments I hate the most.
If it was an accident or something unavoidable, I would have understood.
But the cause of it ...
It left me speechless, Tom.
Do you know how it feels to be overwhelmed by a gush of emotions?
When memories reveal itself,
And a flashback on the crazy times we had together protrude through that tightly secured treasure chest?





It was twice.
And many random "How are you" notes in between
But you did not even say 'Au Revoir'
Nevertheless, I wish you are happier where you are right now
If only you had confided in us, your many friends,
and know that whatever it was we will be there.
If only we can turn back time
If only you did not do what you did
Rest In Peace, Tom Bertron


1985 - 2009

That X'mas gift will remain a memory of you
Small, but priceless.


Goodbye~

I Left Because ..

Funny how the world functions, the ever-questionable course of life. One hopes and pray for a desirable event, but it never shows. Unexpectedly, when we intend to let it go, losing a vast percentage of hope, it occurs with full course of doubt. Psychology has nurtured me not to question the obvious acts of human kind. It is the work of the unconscious mind that I need to tap into.

I was revising for Counseling Techniques today when something outside caught my eyes:



CLEAR BLUE SKIES



I can hardly remember the last time I actually saw clear blue skies. This is one thing I am going to miss the most from my dear hometown. Subang is too hazy for my liking. Could not resist grabbing my camera and snap a few shots because the clouds were just too mezmerizing!



My study aid for the day were two bowls of Barley and ample of liquid:



Eldest sister gave me a lift from the train station when I arrived on Tuesday night. Our conspiracy to surprise my parents worked! No one knew I was heading back on Tuesday, except my sister. And I got my dad a small Snoopy cake because I missed his birthday two weekends back.



And I've got a new study companion:



And pool time was fantastic with my cousins who are on holiday from Australia. I have got new videos by the way!



Overall, life is good. Although I bumped into someone whom I do not want to see, ever. Like, whatthefuck.. five years - get over it?

I gotta dash now. Heading back to the stadium for Perak Band Competition Finals. Hope there's still parking.

xOxO

I Can Ride My Bike With No Handlebars

I think I enjoyed tonight. It is not about the amount of booze available, the crowd, parties and such. I believe it is all about engaging in good conversations. Partly saying, intellectual conversations. It is hard for me to come across people my age who can actually discuss about politics, world issues, and have an open debate about religion. To be able to contribute to a discussion, and gain extra knowledge in return, I am truly contented with that. Some part of me feels at whole. It was dinner at Alor, walk through Chinatown to Reggae Bar (only to discover the shisha guy was on leave) and an Arabic atmosphere in Lecka Lecka, with Amelia, Kim, Malte and Chris. Knowledge empowerment to its rescue throughout our journey back to the suburban area. There is so much you can learn by just talking to people; especially people of different nationality. It is a process of give-and-take in intellectual terms. I do not feel old nor bored conversing about the worldly political arena. I feel my age. The fact that my friends are so open and informed about what is going on around the world (and locally), contributes a lot to the flow of discussion. And these people had to leave before I get back. =(

In the process of packing right now. I despise the thought of lugging my suitcase to campus grounds tomorrow, into class, and off to the station mid-afternoon. I would not mind if the public transportation is more efficient or well-kept over here. In fact, I keep envisioning images of locomotive trains and travel modes from the 30s and 40s. If only traffic ain't that bad. I want to get a bicycle [picture - Beatles era] and cycle everywhere. Not only does it save the environment, it is a good form of exercise too.

Random thoughts swimming in my head. I will only be back for my finals, then boarding the plane and leaving the country! I can't wait. I have so many events aligned, and am meeting Ally! Might be doing a shoot with a photographer down south too. But I will see how things go. When I get back, I need to scout for a job. Life...

Things To Pack

1. Psychology Notes
2. Laptop
3. Book - American History
4. Leopard-print scarf
5. Chargers - Mobile/Camera/Battery for MP3/Laptop

xoxo

Bed, bed

It's half-past three in the morning, and I am refusing to sleep because Regina Spektor is streaming on my laptop! Help?

REGINA SPEKTOR - SAMSON

Someone get me her album(s) already so that I can listen to her in my room, on my bed, just lazing .. drifting off to Dream Land.

I am hungry. I want Cheese Naan, Dim Sum, my favorite Pork Noodles from the stall outside the stadium back home, Steamed Bread with Kaya and Caramel Custard in old town, wan tan mee, Roti Canai below mum's school... despite the fact that I have got a humongous wobbly tummy.

How I wish I do not put on weight easily. Then again, so does everyone ..

BON ODORI 2009

As I stepped onto the escalator platform on Level 3
This sign immediately caught my attention:

Automatically grabbed garments off the rack
Felt people staring at my arm, with a bundle of clothes draped over it
I was literally in paradise
I bought 9 garments ranging from dresses to coats
Curious about them, I asked the shop owner if they are second-hand
She told me the clothes are from the factory, some are rejects
Vintage, I Like!

Rushed off to the KTM station to meet Malte
Headed to Shah Alam for the Bon Odori
Always wanted to go for one.
We reached before 5pm, and watched the dance rehearsals

So much Japanese food.
I'll be back for next year's but ONLY for the food
and I will be heading there EARLY!
We stood in queue for more than an hour for this:

A bowl of flavored ice.
It was worth it, I think?

Bad choice to place the food tents on a sandy area
It got so crowded, the air was extremely dusty
My nose boogey were pitch black, literally!
My health condition deteriorated 70% after Bon Odori
and I turned into a Cough Machine the whole night!

June and I scouted for little Japanese kids
and took photos with them.
Such pedophilies!

Did not bother joining the crowd, dancing around the stage
There were too many people and it was so stuffy!
I wonder how girls can stand wearing the Yukata the whole evening
I need to feel the breeze against my bare legs

I've got Mata Sepet too!

Time is passing by too fast.
Finals are next week.
Then I'll be jetting off! Woohoo!
Can't wait....

xxoo

The Private Party's 2nd ANNIVERSARY

15th JULY 2009
I was introduced to the epitome of all fructuously evil



which led me to it's green comrade with succulent red beans



the "Non-Fattening" sign is clearly, bullshit!



Drinks at Chili's Mid Valley
Long Island Tea & FrozenStrawberry+Raspberry Magarita
I was asked for my ID, perceiving the Manager thought I was not 21
Felt total crap when I turned to my left, and spotted a sign saying:
"Patrons purchasing tobacco and alcohol must be above 18 years of age"
I.Look.Under.18.what.the.hell??

Care package from Sydney made me happy
Soup, canned fish, TIM TAMS
Jazz shoes, outfit and CDs!

Pre-Party at Ali's
Music + Pizza + MALIBU! and a whole lot of makeup




Photo from Amelia

KL Drive, Music all the way
The Strokes, ACDC, Rage Against the Machines, and more..
Boogie in the car, Camera flashes going wild
It's pre-party in the car once more!






Photo by Kimberley

Palate Palette - ravishing sight
Two SOLID hours of dancing on FOUR-INCH heels
Dance dance dance
Music went on
Crowd, the audience
My own little realm, no one more
What a night!
That was all I needed
Now to desolate myself from the world
Till I get those A's


Tiger, lova!


Photo from Amelia


Picture by Kimberley


Picture by Kimberley


Photo from Amelia

HAPPY 2nd "PRIVATE PARTY" ANNIVERSARY, LAPSAP!
Thanks for the brilliant, music pumping night!
Though, I was sober all night long =(



xxoo

You Are Who You Love

I am so stoked. Tomorrow's going to be fun, I hope.

I think I have reached the age where I do not want to party hard anymore, but settle for a beer or two over a good chat with close friends. If you get what I mean..

Come to think of it, I hardly go out much, partying my nights away and getting trashed. Unlike how some people perceived my life to be as such. It's just weird that I seem to grow up so fast. Part of me feels like I've missed out on the 'hoo-haa's of my adolescent years. Another part of me feels relieved that I never went through that, avoiding regretable memories. Complicated.

My mind feels pretty messed up right now. So much going on. Yet, I do not want to dwell myself in my sorrows. Life is too short to whine about misfortunes in life. I shall take it a step at a time. Nothing is ever impossible. I am bound to pave my way through this mess.

Begone, Negative Aura!!

**unrelated**
I just found out a friend of mine deleted me from his Facebook because of the photo of my fugly toe nail, which I uploaded via Facebook Mobile. wtf?!? I shall show no mercy, and contemplate about forgiving him over breakfast tomorrow. Make sure I am being fed well! heh!
**end of non-related update**

I think I ought to tone down on my sarcasm. I realise that majority of Malaysians can't seem to handle sarcasm. Arghhh.. No fun! If people are complaining I am taking life too seriously and ought to hang loose, I will tell them I am doing what is necessary to secure my future and THEY need to take a chillpill and learn to live with sarcasm.

Now, I go to bed. Long day tomorrow. I want yogurt :(

Goodnight!

Fashion-Forward [stuff that make me happy]








=D

Photos from Lookbook.nu

I Should Start My Very Own Book of Quotes

"Some times you never notice that the path you never chose has chosen you. That's when you need to embrace what has been destined, and yield it to your advantage. Nothing is ever impossible. It is only impossible when you believe it to be so and cast your doubts on what you are capable of accomplishing!"

Fannypants, S (July 12, 2009)

ps: in case you were wondering, I am Fannypants!

Look How They Shine For You

• 9th JULY 2009
  
• Dinner with Malte at mamak
• Studied at Pyramid Tower while waiting for Pin Pin to arrive - strictly chaperoned by Malte going "No mobile phone!" every time I wanted to reply a text.
• Upon Pin Pin's arrival, Vodka+Red Bull+OJ+Sprite AND a deck of cards

• The rest of them joined us, and we headed back to the mamak after getting ourselves stamped at Euphoria.

Miss Amelia Ho & Sirap

• At the mamak, I discovered a very fascinating function in my camera (I normally don't play around with the functions, neither did I read the instruction booklet)
• Panaroma = FUN!

• After Mac filled his stomach, we went back to Malte's room for more drinks and card games.

• Yours Truly, ME, had to stay sober to make sure my brain cells were unharmed and properly functioning for next day's quiz [15%]
• Sorry, I will not jeopardize my grades
  

• Mac had to drink some deadly-strong Vodka, filled to the brink of the glass rotating around the circle.

Picture from Am.

• I helped - 3 centimetres!

Good Strong Stuff!
Picture from Am.


The Different Interpretations of WHAT?!?

• Nesh played MJ's remix
• The crowd just stood there, and watched us dance
• We OWNED the dance floor, yo!
• Did I tell you the majority look underage? Do they even know MJ's songs? Dude!
• Seriously. They were STANDING on the dance floor
• Unbelievable

• Then we went to The Deq, and continued dancing
• Plus, an extreme cam whore session [photos in Am's facebook]

Picture from Am.

• Certainly felt great to let loose for a few hours
• Next party lined up is going to be BIZARRE!!!
• Stay tuned!

Yours Truly

The Time When I NEARLY Got Beaten Up ...

June and I went out for food two hours ago. I kinda like it when she stays over, because we do all the crazy things [videos soon!] and talk way a lot of nonsense. It's those unfulfilled needs a girl always wanted during her teen life - Sleepovers/Slumber parties. My parents never allowed those. I think I missed out a lot in my teenage years. I grew up too fast.

Back to where I was...

We were walking back when this car with a group of malay boys inside drove pass, showing off their turbo engine, pressing the car horn, etc. Guy at the back, with his shitty-looking shades put his head out of the window and called/teased/hollered/"insert own adjective here" us. I really despise guys who act as if they have never seen a girl before. So jakun! It really boils me up. I still think it's a form of harassment.

Merriam-Webster defines 'harass' as:

• Main Entry: ha·rass
• Pronunciation: \hə-ˈras; ˈher-əs, ˈha-rəs\
• Function: transitive verb
• Etymology: French harasser, from Middle French, from harer to set a dog on, from Old French hare, interjection used to incite dogs, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German hier here — more at here
• Date: 1617

1 a : exhaust, fatigue b (1) : to annoy persistently (2) : to create an unpleasant or hostile situation for especially by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct
2 : to worry and impede by repeated raids <harassed the enemy>

Doesn't that serve as concrete proof that I am being harassed on a daily-basis? Oh, that explains my psychologically disturbed character! (I am being sarcastic, d'oh!)

Anyway, imagine going through that on a daily-basis, and it just boils me up so much, to the extend that if grenades were made legal to 21-years old female Malaysians, I will be carrying a bag-full and tossing one (or more) at every single uncivilised homosapien which act alike.

Instead, I gave them the finger and a grunted look.

Guy got shocked. Deliberated with his friends as they drove ahead slowly. To my surprise, they stopped by the side of the road, a little way ahead of us. So I alerted June. Damn! They wanna fight now?

See, I always wish I was a guy.

We walked slowly, hoping they would leave. But they drove a little further ahead, and turned into the row of shops next to where I live. I turned to June and said "RUN!"

Hopefully they were stupid enough to not notice where I live.

Frankly speaking, it was kinda fun. *shrugs* I am adventurous. But that act was totally asking for unwanted trouble. Though I can still rebut by telling you how absolutely annoyed I am with those male species! Ever heard of the bottle-neck theory?

For safety's sake, I won't be leaving my place today in case those assholes have nothing better to do and really decide to wait for me outside the premises of my apartment (I still think it suffices as flats).

I ought to hire a bodyguard.

By the way, my parents are going to nag if I share this story with them. Which I most probably will, although I really can't stand them nagging. As I said, I am a trouble-seeker. Well, I'm just bored I guess. HAHA!

Girls, tell me what do you think? When you are minding your own business, walking on the streets, and all these hooligans in their automobile drive pass, cat-calling/teasing/harassing/"insert own adjective". Don't you find that ANNOYING? Do you agree that it's a form of harassment?

Comment below. I shall compile feedbacks, and do a research during my sem break. heh!

Those FOUR Words ...

My mind was all set for exam today. I could even preach to you about the key notes from Module 5 till 8. Regardless of quiz or exams, I am ALWAYS cranky before my paper. I need all the focus I can garner before I finish writing for my paper. Yet, without fail, some people just HAD to interrupt my concentration. You know what's a major let down? I had EVERYTHING at the back of my palm, figuratively speaking. And as I was about to let it free-flow from the very nodes of my brains to stimulate those exact neurons, someone interrupted the progression. Damn, was I pissed. I was trying so hard to recall, till the very last minute before I handed in my paper. I knew very well that I know the answer. In the end, I just handed it in - one point missing. There goes one-fucking-percent!

Grabbed my notes, and this was what I missed- "CHOOSE AN APPROPRIATE DESIGN to minimize all threats of internal validity". Those fucking FOUR words! URGH! Yes, I had the second part of the sentence, but what sense does that make? "..to minimize all threats of internal validity" whatthefuck, right?

ONE PERCENT IS A LOT OF DIFFERENCE! so for those who kept asking me to chill at that moment should shut the fuck up.

1% can cost you an A
1% can pull you down to a B
1% can refrain me from getting into the Dean's List this semester
1% can shove me away from graduating with First Class Honors
THAT 1% can cost me my WHOLE future.

So, don't go saying "it's ONLY 1%" if all that matters to you is just a mediocre passing grade. I want a bloody A! Small steps won't take you far either [stfu]

Urgh! I was basically pissed. I wasn't in a welcoming mood for any WHY-questions either. The start of my weekend, a gloomy one. I have to put in triple the effort of what I am doing now into my studies for the remaining of this semester.

It does not help that my lecturer revealed our marks from the first quiz. I am down by 3%. I can NOT lose any more marks. My grades are at stake right now. I think I'll be desolating myself the week before finals, and it shall remain confidential.

hello. i have so much to write, but am in no mood right now. there goes my weekend. today is a gloomy day. says the high achiever who just lost one percent in her test. great. long live the king and queen. goodbye

JULY 7th, 2009

*NEWS FLASH*

All that caffeine/Redbull drinking and endless sleepless nights has finally taken its toll on me. I am honestly drained out to the max, even though I took an afternoon nap today. Yet, it was all worth it. I handed in my 12-page research proposal on Monday afternoon, then headed out to KL to catch up with old friends. No pun intended *clears throat*

Good-Monday-Morning!

Despite the lack of sleep, I survived the whole day. I was absolutely impressed with myself, not that it is something to brag about. Moving on ...

Since last week, Jeslin and I have been planning an early birthday surprise for Liane. Properly structured, but no backup plans to fallback on in case it backfires. No worries about that since our creativity flows perfectly from the random nodes of our brains. Heh! Self praising.

We went forY o! Sushi at Pavilion, KL. I excused myself to "the rest room" (initial plan was to fake a whole I-Have-Diarrhea scene), but met Jes at The Loaf instead. Birthday cakes are so last season! We bought half-a-dozen of Loaf's famous Uhu! cheesecake cups instead. Stuck candles, lit them up and made our way back into Yo! Sushi singing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" aloud (with the waiters joining in our chorus), and surprised a very astonished-looking Liane who gave us the 'whatthefuck' face. HAHAHAHAHA! Precious!

THE LOAF's UHU! MINI CHEESECAKES

Yo! Sushi gave us 25% discount off our total bill by the way. Nice! After that we headed for gelato, and window shopping (excluding Jeslin, who shop-shopped).

I have been thinking a lot the past weeks, on how contented am I with life at the moment. People are so used to whining about their insecurities or what they are lack of that they somehow seem to forgo the good things around them. I guess I can say I am pretty contented with life, and am in a position where I have most of what I need at this age. Ambitious goals, family, close-knit of friends, living independently, ...

No, I don't find BGRs an obligatory in order to feel at whole with life. In fact, I don't think I can sacrifice all that I have for ONE guy. Some may say it's a complete self-centered perspective, but I think not. I have worked hard for what I have right now, plus my family and friends are the ones who have stood by me all these while. One thing for sure, I will never bypass my friends, ever, for a guy. By doing so, at the end of the day if anything negative happens in the relationship, I will not have anyone to turn to. As for my career, I do not want to depend on a guy for a living. pffft!

Don't know why I diverted to that topic. Maybe it's because Jes, Liane and I were updating each other about "Love Life" at the moment, over *clears throat* MORE ICE CREAM, beer and shisha at Lecka Lecka. Not that I have got any love stories to share ..

photo from Jeslin

MOST EXPENSIVE shisha ever! RM35++ but ALL-FOR-LIANE because we hardly see each other, especially since she left to Perth for her studies. Oh, but she definitely did not cease to grasp hold of the perfect opportunity to kidnap me to her house every time she's back. Sleepover at Liane's last night was so random; worthy moments nevertheless.

Breakfast at IKEA this morning, before hitting Fitness First at The Curve. The gym center over there looks so much better compared to the one in Summit (d'oh!)

At noon, we crashed. Took at least a 3-hours nap, then went out for Satay Kajang at DU, followed by sinfully sweet cupcakes at Wondermilk. I love Wondermilk's array of 20cents sweets. So nostalgic. Remember the days when we used to buy 10cent bubblegums and candy for less than a Ringgit from the small mobile stall outside the school gates??

Vintage

However, all those cream/icing made my stomach feel uneasy - too much is no good.

I was initially planning to hit the sacks early today, till I remembered .. Michael Jackson's LIVE Memorial! Logged into CNN and intended to watch it. Connection was crappy (still crappy at the moment). Hence, I think I shall just give up, and head to bed.

No offense intended - I think most people are such hypocrites. When Michael was alive, he was taken for granted (especially with all those negative press). Some people are also plain naive to believe 100% what they read/hear from the media. Right now that he's passed on, people are watching his videos, listening to his songs, putting MJ's playlist on repeat, etc. I mean, you didn't even give a damn about all these when he was alive. Now that he's gone, are you doing this because the rest of the world is doing it too? In other words, over-rated.

My respect for Michael. No respect for those hypocritical people (Perez Hilton for example). I would really love to stay up and watch, but ... Yes, his passing was indeed a sad thing (still very unbelievable to me. Ask June!) Yet, people ought to ... Move-on now. Mourning is one thing, but there's also a thing called "overdoing it".

Psychology conference tomorrow. Goodnight!

Taking A Break ..

High school classmate posted a photo of us, back in Secondary 3.
I was ... *gulps* not-even-fourteen!
I look like a complete dork, mind you.

Back then, I was fortunate to be in the most mischievous class of Sec 3 year 2002. The moments we shared, priceless. Such memories are not meant to be forgotten. It represents the rebellious stage of our adolescent years (indirectly, these one-year-older-than-me classmates corrupted my innocent mind) HAHA!

MGS FUN FAIR 2002

I am SO SICK OF READING PSYCHOLOGICAL JOURNALS AND ARTICLES!!!
Am I still sane? I doubt so.
Surviving on caffeine and Red Bull has its malicious effects sooner or later.

7AM - 4th July 2009


9PM - 4th JULY 2009


1AM - 5th JULY 2009

And those, are my handwritten points for the INTRODUCTION
I MIGHT pull an all-nighter again...
but I have to wake up early for DURIANS tomorrow!! YUMM!

A little destressing period, and a VERY HAGGARD-looking me:

I think I shall go take another shower right now, and decide if I should stay awake or sleep.
sighhh...

Looking forward to Monday, AFTER, I hand-in my research proposal.
Till then, I'm gonna grunt, groan, procrastinate on-and-off, stress-myself-up, and sacrifice my beauty sleep just to finish up my paper.
Not last minute work, mind you. TOO MUCH INFO!
TOO MUCH TO READ! pffft!
I had access to online journals, finally! thanks to a girl called 'Jane'.

ok, bye!

ps: My whole Mozilla is running on German. gosh! What happened?

Es ist umweltfreundlicher, eine Einkaufstasche mitzunehmen.

It's ALMOST midnight
my research proposal is still an empty document file
need I procrastinate till the very end?
I hate this.

I feel so restless these days. 30 minutes before class ended today, I nodded off - literally fell asleep in class. And that was what I really needed because when I woke up for the Psychology Conference meeting, I felt refreshed. Completely relying on Power Naps these days. Speaking of the Psychology Conference, I've been assigned as the emcee.

Image source: Google Images

Today I skipped my evening jog. Got home in the evening, but the weather was too hot. So I thought I could take an hour's nap first. Ended up snoozing till 8-ish. Woke up, and it was dark. I had weird dreams though. I dreamt about home. Guess I am really looking forward to be back home end of the month. It's a surprise for my parents.

Image source: Google Images

Tonight is an all-nighter. I think I will OD on juice and caffeine. I NEED TO GET IT DONE TONIGHT!! And maybe, I can go for an EARLY run before hitting the sacks when the sun rises. Sounds like a plan? Hopefully I don't fall asleep midway. I will be in an abject state then.

Image source: Awesome Possum Bazaar

Anyone going for the Awesome Possum Bazaar this weekend? It will be held at the Subang Square Shopping Gallery in SS15. I would LOVE to go for that. I need new dresses, new clothes. But I can't. I have to complete my assignment, and go eat durians for charity on Sunday! haha! I will be volunteering too (to help them out with registration and such). There will be over 50 vendors at the bazaar this weekend. So if you are in a need to splurge, go check it out!

I think I'm getting too picky with clothes right now. I do not know why, but I can't seem to follow trends. Before everyone got all hyped up about it, I used to snitch my mum's clothes and wear them. Right now, people seem to be going for vintage dresses and such, that I really do not wanna blend in. I need something different. Hence, I've decided to ask my parents to get me a sewing machine for my 21st birthday so I can personalise my own clothes.

Images: Lookbook

I pretty much need to survive this weekend. After I hand in my research proposal, it will feel like a whole crate of burden's been lifted from my shoulders. But till then, I have to continue grunting and complaining, proscrastinating on-and-off, and just submerge myself with the endless articles and psychology journals (internet, don't fail me tonight please!)

I really do not mind if my friends think I am desolating myself instead of letting loose and join their parties. Not many will understand my needs and priorities, and I do not expect them to do so either. I know what I need to focus on at the moment, and I shall continue doing so. This is who I am all along. When it is time for me to ace those grades, I sacrifice what is needed in order to do so. I need to get back on the Dean's List. Sorry, mates! Fun will have to wait.

I am a Nerd, and proud of it. (Underlined the "needs" just for fun)

Ok, need to stop procrastinating. Gonna make another cup of coffee, then start working on my assignment. Have fun!

royalty Lites #009

i am at the brink of eruption
completely dressed down to "obey" lame library rules
baggy-T, 3/4 pants and sneakers galore
oh wow!
clocks are running
an hour went by
endless reconnecting
streamyx sucks
the Hotspot is completely useless
how am i to do my research
if i have to reconnect after every 3 to 4 clicks
fucking connection
unnecessary morning stress
ought to get back to what i intend to complete today
last night's get together was a complete destress session